Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
