The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
