lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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