Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
