how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
