Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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