Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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