Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
