i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
