dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
