I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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