There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
smell my finger.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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