so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
