Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
