not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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