we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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