she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
