the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
