i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
