You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
