I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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