Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
