Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
