I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
