no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
