if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
