how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
