I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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