Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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