I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
