that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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