You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
