So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
