His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
