I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
