Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think your dad took our porno
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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