We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
