also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
