The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
