Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
