I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
