i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
