yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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