i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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