u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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