No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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