I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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