The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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