only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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