Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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