I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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