Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
