Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
