I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
