He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
