Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
