If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Randomize
