it was like eating out sand paper
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
