I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
