I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
this will be a night to untag.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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