I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hippo gnu deer
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
